my elusive dream

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately..well always. Sometimes the creative world is overwhelming. There are so many options and there are so many reaaaally talented people out there. I have a hard time figuring out just what I want to do, what creative direction I want to take. Or worse, I often don't feel like I have anything to contribute and no direction to move towards.

I knew in 8th grade I wanted to be an interior designer. I stuck with that plan all through high-school, went to college and came out with a degree in Interior Design. And then I was never quite able to find the right job. I worked for a local architect and while I greatly admire his work & learned much from him, I didn't feel there was a future there for me. I wanted to learn how to be a designer and I wasn't learning that there. So I took a job as an assistant designer with a jewelry chain. I enjoyed doing the layouts for the store, but again - that felt like a limited path for me. I moved to another position with the company as a construction coordinator. I learned a lot about how to order material, work with vendors and construction sites and do some project management. But the purchasing/coordinating world wasn't the direction I wanted to move up in, so I left that job.

Since then I've been pursuing my photography business. Figuring out exactly where I want to take it, what I want to do with it. I know I'll be taking pictures for the rest of my life - but I don't know what role photography will continue to play in my vocation. Because the truth is, I love interior design. Nothing gets me excited or my brain ticking in quite the same way. I'm throwing around the idea of starting a small consultation business - helping people re-do a room on a small budget. Because working with what you have and making purchases on a tight budget are kinda a blast for me. It's what I've done with our apartment and now our house and it gives me an incredible sense of accomplishment when I'm able to "make it work" in a way that would make Tim Gunn proud.

I'm not sure yet exactly which way to go. But I'm resting in the peace of knowing that God has me exactly where He means to. 

In a moment of feeling overwhelmed I happened to turn on the radio. And good ole' MJ came on.

I danced around the living room and actually did feel less stressed.

Here's to someday knowing what I want to do when I grow up.