here we are again.

Am I the only one who questions my purpose and identity on a monthly basis? Honestly - I can't tell you how much time I spend researching careers and projects - reading Etsy sellers success stories and trying to figure out how I can make my crafting dreams come true. Because I DO want to use my time well and be industrious. I DO want to have a creative outlet and find fulfillment in my work. But I'm reminded of Matthew 6:33 "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." 'These things' that this verse is talking about we find in the previous verses - food, drink, clothing - essentially: provision. God knows my desires and needs - and he's already made provision for me. He knows that what is going to satisfy my need for purpose and meaning is Him. He has given me all I need in Him!
Ephesians 3:17-20 says: "so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith - that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you maybe filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen."
I am loved by my Creator - truly he has withheld no good thing from me!
 So I'm going to keep my heart and mind busy seeking him - and trust that all things will be added to me!

I want to draw!

I've never been much of an artist. I've daydreamed of creating breathtaking doodles in a cinch, of sketching a beautiful landscape while sitting on a hillside (very Jane Austen like) and of adding watercolors to a quick room design I've done that would make it worthy to sit next to Albert Hadley's renderings.

Alas, I wasn't a kid who drew all the time. I took an art class in high school and the teachers didn't really know how to direct me. They encouraged me to loosen up my lines, to relax and they said everything short of "just get better at drawing". When I took a photography class in college the ability to create something lovely was exhilarating. It didn't matter that I couldn't draw a chair or make the vase look round - I had an eye for beauty and the camera was the means to capture it.

I have a husband who can come up with the most darling cartoons and creative patterns on a piece of paper that was left out. I love to appreciate his talent, to hang up sketches he did when he was a kid and to secretly want to punch him for the fact he doesn't even have to try to have this talent. (I sure do love him, in spite of his excessive talents.)

So in order to get my creative urges out of my system I plan to take more photography trips just for the fun of capturing life with my camera. I took one down to frozen Lake Erie last week and it was marvelous. Cold, but marvelous. I'll be adding a few of the shots to my Etsy shop later today, but here's a sneak peek:

It's such a different feeling when you're on a frozen beach. No waves crashing, just stillness.

But to sum up this rather scattered post - I want to keep going in the direction of creative outlets I know I have some talent for...but I do also want to get better at drawing. I have a book I bought back in college called "Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain". It's full of lessons and exercises to help you learn to draw. We'll see how I do. Please, no expectations.

Anybody have any good tips for improving drawing skills?
(Simply posessing talent doesn't count as a tip.)

my elusive dream

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately..well always. Sometimes the creative world is overwhelming. There are so many options and there are so many reaaaally talented people out there. I have a hard time figuring out just what I want to do, what creative direction I want to take. Or worse, I often don't feel like I have anything to contribute and no direction to move towards.

I knew in 8th grade I wanted to be an interior designer. I stuck with that plan all through high-school, went to college and came out with a degree in Interior Design. And then I was never quite able to find the right job. I worked for a local architect and while I greatly admire his work & learned much from him, I didn't feel there was a future there for me. I wanted to learn how to be a designer and I wasn't learning that there. So I took a job as an assistant designer with a jewelry chain. I enjoyed doing the layouts for the store, but again - that felt like a limited path for me. I moved to another position with the company as a construction coordinator. I learned a lot about how to order material, work with vendors and construction sites and do some project management. But the purchasing/coordinating world wasn't the direction I wanted to move up in, so I left that job.

Since then I've been pursuing my photography business. Figuring out exactly where I want to take it, what I want to do with it. I know I'll be taking pictures for the rest of my life - but I don't know what role photography will continue to play in my vocation. Because the truth is, I love interior design. Nothing gets me excited or my brain ticking in quite the same way. I'm throwing around the idea of starting a small consultation business - helping people re-do a room on a small budget. Because working with what you have and making purchases on a tight budget are kinda a blast for me. It's what I've done with our apartment and now our house and it gives me an incredible sense of accomplishment when I'm able to "make it work" in a way that would make Tim Gunn proud.

I'm not sure yet exactly which way to go. But I'm resting in the peace of knowing that God has me exactly where He means to. 

In a moment of feeling overwhelmed I happened to turn on the radio. And good ole' MJ came on.

I danced around the living room and actually did feel less stressed.

Here's to someday knowing what I want to do when I grow up.